


but that's just a word

by icemachine



Series: doom patrol daily drabbles [14]
Category: Doom Patrol (TV)
Genre: F/M, Trans Male Character, is that dolores' canon last name? who knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 13:45:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20408734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemachine/pseuds/icemachine
Summary: Dolores seems to love him unconditionally.Would she really abandon him if he told the truth?





	but that's just a word

It takes him too long to figure out how his powers work. 

Dolores is always there. They’ve known each other for  _ years  _ & she is the positive in his life, the guiding light, the only one who was  _ truly  _ there for him after he discovered his abilities. When he was unable to control it, every action had an aftermath. His muscles became sensitive, starting fires whenever he moved too swiftly, opening doors to other dimensions (yes, there  _ are  _ other dimensions, which on its own took some getting used to) whenever he raised his arms over his head, so on. Actions that involved multiple muscles reigned hell over his home.

Dolores was the only one who tried to understand. He can’t imagine life without her.

After he finally documented each muscle’s function, after he learned how to control himself - to limit the abilities to  _ purposeful  _ flexion - he began working on a project.

* * *

“Down here again?”

Dolores pokes her head out of the door to the stairway, waiting for recognition. He moves away from his mirror, greets her with a hug - ten seconds, twenty seconds, thirty seconds. He’s missed her.

He gestures towards the mirror. “Just trying to figure a few things out.”

“Don’t your muscles ever get… you know… tired?”

He laughs. Smiles at her, wide, wider. “My muscles are always tired.”

“Then why don’t you stop for a bit? Come on, let’s go out for once.”

He looks back at his reflection. It’s useless; he’ll never find the right combination. If he  _ does  _ find the right combination, he’ll have another problem: how is he going to tell her? How is he going to tell Dolores? How could he possibly explain it?

He’ll lose the woman he loves. He loves her. He loves Dolores, and Dolores doesn’t love him back - she’ll  _ never  _ love him back.

It’s okay. Just being her friend is enough. He is content with the friendship that they have; he doesn’t need anything more. 

“You’re right,” he says. “That sounds great. Let me get dressed and, uh, we’ll be on our way. What do you have in mind?”

“I was thinking ice cream.”

“Perfect.”

—

Dolores never asks why he covers his body like he does. That is a blessing, entirely. He owns one skirt that goes down to his ankles, his blouses always two sizes larger than what actually fits.

Others do, sometimes. They offer their old clothing, they offer to buy him a new wardrobe that’s more “fitting”, but to no avail; he’s perfect the way he is. Dolores doesn’t seem to mind the way he dresses. Dolores seems to love him unconditionally.

Would she  _ really  _ abandon him if he told the truth?

It goes through his mind constantly.  _ I’m a man. I have always been a man. The doctors got it wrong, society got it wrong, this is who I really am. _

There’s nothing wrong with him, but he’s not going to take that chance. He can’t lose her.

At the booth, she sits down next to him.

“You like strawberry, right?”

“That’s my favorite. Actually, I don’t think I ever told you that. How did you know?”

She bites into her chocolate cone; the ice cream covers her lips. It’s so endearing, he feels like he could burst apart. She’s wonderful.

“You just seem like the kind of guy who’d like it.”

_ Guy. You just seem like the kind of guy who’d like it.  _ He stares at her. His expression must be odd, because Dolores is turning away from him.

“Sorry, my mind is a little scattered today.”

“Hey,” he whispers. He takes a risk, he holds her hand. “Look at me. It’s okay. What’s wrong?”

She sighs. “You’ve spent the past two  _ days  _ in that basement of yours. Are you keeping something from me?”

“I—”

“You know you can tell me anything. I won’t judge you.”

Either way, he’s hurting her. He’ll hurt her if he tells the truth, he will hurt her if he lies. There is no way out of this situation, he can’t back out now, he can’t - he can’t hurt her any longer. He has to be brave. He has to tell her. Even if things change, even if she hates him, at least he won’t suffer with the knowledge that he has hurt the one person he loves by lying.

“I’ve been working on… I’ve been trying to see if I can alter my appearance if I flex certain muscles at the same time.”

“Oh,” she says. “Well, why? You’re beautiful the way you are.”

_ You’re beautiful. _

“Thank you, but…”

“But what?”

“I’m going for a masculine appearance.”

This doesn’t seem to faze her. “That’s nice! You’ll look good no matter what.”

“Dolores, you don’t understand.”

“Hm?”

“I… I think—-I  _ know—- _ I’m not… I’m a man. Not - what you think I am. Everyone thought I was a girl, and I did, for a while, but I’m not. I’m a man.” He pauses. Her expression still hasn’t changed. “That’s weird, isn’t it? You hate me now, don’t you?”

All that Dolores does is squeeze his hand. “Hate you? Never.” She bites into her ice cream again. “You’re a man? Great. You have me no matter what.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. If you want to change your appearance, then I’ll help. I want you to be happy.”

He’s crying now. He’s - he’s  _ crying.  _ He loves her so much.

“Thank you.”

“Do you still go by….”

“Flex.”

“What?”

“I want to go by Flex.”

She laughs. “Flex? Like flexing a muscle?”

“Well… yeah.”

“I like it,” Dolores says. She puts an arm around him, nuzzles into his shoulder. “I like  _ you _ , Flex.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I LOVE THEM.
> 
> note: i don't id as a trans man, anymore, so im sorry if i've got something wrong! title from hustle by madison, which is a Mood.


End file.
